Happy Mother’s Day—Not So Sure about the “Happy”
Three years ago on Mother’s Day, May 11, our son took his own life. The pain of depression was too much for him to go on living. He was 36 years old, and today I remember how he lived, not how he died. With Mother’s Day coming up on Sunday, I have mixed feelings about the “Happy” part of it.
Of course I thank God for all those special moments we had together. All the giggles, all the hugs, the noisy times, the quiet times, the smell of his red hair after a run in the rain at age 3.
But I ask my Lord during my devotion time this morning, “Why did you choose me to be his mother? You should have chosen someone different that could have been more understanding, or more aware of his illness, or someone that wasn’t always making mistakes.”
“I chose YOU.”
With my Bible in my lap, John 15 opened up. Verse16 was there for me…”You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.” Those words were spoken to his disciples who were to go out and love others in the world. Those disciples, with dirt in between their toes and fish smell on their hands, were the imperfect people Jesus chose to spread His Gospel. They were not perfect or the handsome ones. He chose sinners to spread that love to other sinners.
In my quiet time, my Lord has said through His Word, “I chose you specifically to be a mother because you’re not perfect. You make mistakes all the time in front of the children that I chose to be in your family.
I chose your tears to be the ones that will fall from your eyes when one of your children gets the first “owie” after skinning a knee. I chose your arms that will hold your feverish child during the long sleepless night of the flu. I chose your hands to hold onto the hand of your daughter who is fearful of jumping into the pool for the first time. I chose your ears to hear the songs that your children will sing at the top of their lungs in the car on the way to school. But I specifically chose your heart, which I created from my own heart with the capacity to swell when your child takes his first steps. That same heart will beat in sync with your daughter’s heart as she lays her head upon your chest at the end of an exhausting day.
But that same heart will break. You will have to say good-bye, and there’s the chance that your child will not accept the love you give to him or her or will hold your mistakes against you.
“Now is your time of grief“, the Bible tells me in John 16, “but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy…..I have told you these things (says Jesus), so that in me you may have peace.”
Thankful for the Honor
Because of the peace that Christ gives me, I can thank Him for the honor of being chosen to be the mother of the children He blessed me with. I salute all the mothers out there who are giving their hearts to their precious children and wish them “Happy Mothers Day”.
With a humble, thankful heart,